Clay Jordan was the runner up in Survivor: Thailand.
Clay was known as the hero of Survivor: Thailand. The funny thing about Clay, you see, was that everyone loved him. He was truly one of the most kindhearted people to ever play Survivor. His kindness emanated from every pore in his body. It is truly a shame that he didn’t win.
If you believed a word of that, then you need to watch Survivor more. Clay was kind of a despicable human being.
In Survivor: Thailand, Clay was known for being a sexist Southerner. If he had the chance, he probably would have been racist too. Oh wait, he loved Ghandia. Nevermind.
Clay was the king of making me laugh at truly terrible things. The thing about Clay, you see, was that he was a despicable human being. He is one of those people who doesn’t joke about women being in the kitchen, he TRULY believes that is their place. (Well, the bedroom too, but we will get to that). So you would think that as a moral being, I wouldn’t find Clay the least bit humorous or entertaining. But dammit, every time that guy opened his mouth I was laughing. But let’s start from the beginning.
Clay began as the underdog. He was the last person picked from any tribe. He was clearly a physical outcast. He was older, he was shorter, and let’s face it… he had a bit of extra largeness on him. Nothing about him SCREAMED challenge dominator. But hell if he didn’t win the hell out of that game just as much as Crystal Cox (yes, sarcasm).
To further his underdogness, in the reward challenge in episode 3 reward challenge, Robb decided to have some fun with Clay. You see, in this challenge, the Survivor’s could attack one another in Jeff’s beloved “Attack Zone”. Robb decided that “attack” meant “Grab that old Southerner by the throat and throw him to the ground!” Well, Jeff was less than pleased (especially since Robb stepped out of the “attack zone”). Clay completed the run, and Robb got angry. This provides with one of the best moments of the season. Robb’s impression of Clay. But, that is for Robb’s entry, not Clay’s. Therefore, I will use this paragraph to further the fact that Clay is an underdog.
But, Clay isn’t an underdog. He makes an alliance with Brian. This provides Clay with safety. And more opportunities to entertain me.
This is about the time that one of the best fights of the season happens. Or as I like to call it, “Grindgate.” (This name may have come from Mario Lanza, I’m not actually sure. It just popped into my head. I don’t want to take credit when I don’t remember where it came from). Clay is great in this sequence. He stays completely quiet throughout the whole thing. Anyone who knows Clay knows that he is already on Ted’s side. Even if Ted did do something, Ghandia was probably asking for it. Right, Clay? Anyway, Clay stays quiet until Ghandia decides to throw a tantrum. This is, in my opinion, one of the most overused clips of the season. But we all remember it. Ghandia goes to a “secluded” spot and screams at the top of her lungs. Then the editors provide us with a great shot of Clay looking towards Ghandia as she is screaming. Then we get the quote. “If one of my kids did that, I would have whooped its ass and put it back in bed.” There are so many things that go through your mind when you hear that quote. First, humor. You laugh because Clay has said something funny. Then, fear. “Oh crap, Clay probably would do that… he is the type of guy who would “whoop” his kids”. Then, humor. It’s still pretty funny. Admit it.
Another great thing about Clay: he is the first person to get yelled at by Probst for being an idiot at tribal council. When Clay finally gets the chance to vote out Ghandia, he writes “Bye Bye Denver Diva”. Probst isn’t happy because Clay didn’t write a name down. It isn’t huge, but it is one of the funnier moments in Clay’s tenure.
Clay is mainly remembered as being one of the most openly sexist castaways to ever play Survivor. He provided the viewers with a ton of laughs, and he was one of the best characters in Thailand. Honestly, I think he should have made All-Stars. He truly made All-Stars watchable after Robb left.
Thanks to all for reading. I hope you continue!
Clue for #78: Unlike Rob M, this guy sold the goat before the final tribal council