100 Most Entertaining Survivors #97 Crystal Cox


This entry is the first entry for a character that I can honestly say I didn’t like. It is also my proof that this is not a list of “Jeff’s favorite Survivors” but a true list of the most entertaining. Because, while I hated Crystal and wanted her to go home the entire season, I cannot deny her entertainment value.

For those of you who don’t remember, this is Crystal Cox, a 29 year old Olympic gold medal winner from Durham, North Carolina. She was the 13th person (6th place) voted out of Survivor: Gabon, the shows 17th season.

A theme in this blog has been the inherent bias in making a list like this. This entry is no different, however the bias has manifested itself in a different way this time. Because I hated Crystal so much, my entire goal of the season was to get rid of Crystal. This means that every episode I watched, I was able to simply say “I have a strategy, get rid of Crystal!” For me, that is entertainment. Whether or not I liked her, she kept me interested in her and in the season. While I didn’t like her, I was interested in her, and the season would have been much different without her.

Another reason that I thought Crystal was entertaining was her constant bickering with Randy. (Oh and believe me, you will see Randy a bit later on this list). In fact, if I were going to make a list of best rivalries, I would be willing to bet a pretty penny that Crystal vs. Randy would be in the top 10, maybe even the top 5. On one hand, you have Randy this crotchety old wedding cinematographer who hates marriage. On the other hand you have Crystal, an optimistic gold medal winner who can’t seem to run up a hill to save her life. Honestly, the producers couldn’t have written a better rivalry. What happened after the reward challenge in episode 6 was pure poetry, as everyone relished in Crystal’s tears. Okay, maybe that was just me. As a reminder, I have included some pictures:

Randy eating the delicious fruit pies. And enjoying them I might add

Crystal begins to cry. Randy being the sympathetic person he is responds with:

Crystal begins to cry. And how does the beloved Randy respond?

Wah, wah.

I’m sorry if you find this offensive. Actually, I’m not really sorry. Find a sense of humor, because that is funny stuff right there. I know that Crystal isn’t the sole reason for entertainment here, but she is definitely an integral factor and this summarizes her feud with Randy quite well.

And finally, we cannot leave without acknowledging what Mario Lanza, fellow survivor blogger and one of the most insightful people when it comes to the game, considers the 6th funniest moment in seasons 12-20. This moment has been building the entire season.

For 30 days, Randy has been taunting Crystal in ways much like I showed above. He makes fun of her, he laughs when she cries and he calls her names, my personal favorite being “Gigantor”. Then comes the day of his boot, made even sweeter by Bob’s fake hidden immunity idol. And if that wasn’t enough, we get one of the best moments in Survivor history.

This is Crystal yelling “YOU HAVE MADE MY LIFE A LIVING HELL SINCE DAY ONE! FORGET YOU! GO HOME! GOODBYE!”.

Now, if I were sitting in tribal council at this point, I wouldn’t have known who exactly she was voting for… oh wait…

This is not only one of the funniest moments in Survivor history, but also one of the most historic. Crystal is the first person to ever take advantage of the proximity of the voting booth to the rest of the tribal council. No one has ever cast a vote while yelling intentionally loud enough to let everyone hear her. Later, this strategy will be used by… well, the devil himself, Randy, during the final tribal council as he doesn’t necessarily want to vote for any of the three candidates for sole Survivor. This moment is really the epitome of Crystal and Randy’s relationship for 30 days. It sums it up so well, and while I was definitely on the Randy side of this whole rivalry, I do acknowledge the true poetry and beauty of this moment. It is poetic, it is justified, it is… just amazing. And it was provided by someone who I openly dislike… Crystal Cox.

There you have it. The first entry for someone I didn’t like. It was difficult, but by the end I began to actually grow an affection for Crystal…. oh wait…. no I didn’t. I still don’t like her, however, as I said at the beginning, I cannot ignore her entertainment value and ability to make me lobby so hard to get rid of someone in a Survivor season.

Thanks again for reading, please comment and let me know what you think!

Jeff

PS: Thank you very much to Mario Lanza, writer of the Funny 115 and the Funny 115 2.0. I stole all of the pictures and the gif off of his website (with his permission of course). I suggest you check his lists out. He put so much time and effort into them, that they deserve your view.

Clue to #96: This is the first entry from “first generation Survivor” (what I would consider seasons 1-8), and may come as a surprise to some people. However, his sadistic confessionals and overall demeanor landed a spot on the top 100.

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